But what now? It's been two weeks since I stopped, and I've had a really rough two weeks. I tried to take Daniel to a toddler morning yesterday but they wouldn't let him in as he can't walk (I might add the girl at reception was really welcoming and let me go up and see the room to see if there was any way they could accommodate Daniel. There wasn't- apart from a ball pool, not walking meant he couldn't do anything) so I took him to the paddling pool, where other mums sat and chatted while their toddlers played. Daniel couldn't do anything without me, didn't want to sit in the water, and basically, I spent half an hour walking behind him holding his arms up so he could walk back and forward across the same metre square of the pool. He loved this so I tried to enjoy the moment for what it was, but the tears just rolled down my face as I watched these other kids. Then Daniel slipped and aspirated and I had a horrible few minutes trying to get him calm again and his chest as clear as possible. Everyone else just stared at me. No one said hi or tried to talk to Daniel. I came home, with a migraine, totally deflated.
It's not foolproof, but when I was doing the 100 happy days project I saw more of the fun things and tried to find a photo to capture the moment. Now, this did mean some staging on some occasions to try and get Daniel to recreate a moment not yet captured on camera, but by and large they were moments that just happened. Yesterday as he laughed while doing the same thing he'd been doing for half an hour I probably would have snuck my camera phone out of my pocket to take a sneaky photo, to share in his enjoyment. But yesterday I just saw the differences, the challenges and even his moments of fun seemed to me to be a demonstration of the fact he has a learning disability.
We keep coming back to Theordore Roosevelt's quote 'comparison is the thief of joy' and it is so wonderfully true. If we stayed in our own bubble at home, Daniel fills us with so much joy we wouldn't even know what we're missing out on. It's when we see other kids and realise that people have no idea what we're going through that our joy is stolen from us. It almost makes me want to be a recluse!
We are caught in a strange phase at present, baby classes are too simple for Daniel, but his lack of mobility means toddler activitIes are out. I keep looking for fun things to do on days without appointments but there is very, very little for him at present. Our season ticket at Streamvale will be well used this year! And in the meantime, when I'm having a tough day I'll have a happy moment, and not let our joy with our wonderful son be tarnished with comparisons.
