My journey into motherhood wasn't an easy one and God has been the anchor through this storm. I often talk about the feeling of peace I had during my pregnancy and I have said to many people that I didn't really struggle to trust God during those weeks when we found out that Daniel had Down Syndrome. Not only did we feel a sense of peace from God, we felt very blessed to have so many people praying for us. Our church community and friends and family further afield were incredible at praying for healing - something we were not able to bring ourselves to do - and their prayers were answered when Daniel's stomach was connected up perfectly!
In those early weeks in hospital, both before delivery when Daniel nearly died, and after he was born in intensive care with heart problems and an exceptionally severe case of jaundice I spent a lot of time just being quiet before God. I couldn't bring myself to pray eloquently or even vocalise my prayers. I just remember a lot of quiet and listening over and over again to the Getty's song Still, My Soul Be Still.
The first verse in particular was like a meditation for me. I listened to this about 10 times in a row while waiting to be called to theatre for my planned section. (Interestingly Daniel completely spaces out to this song even now!)
Still, my soul, be still
And do not fear
Though winds of change may rage
tomorrow
God is at your side
No longer dread
The fires of unexpected
sorrow
Chorus:
God You are my God
And I will trust in You and
not be shaken
Lord of Peace renew
A steadfast spirit within me
To
rest in You alone
During the early months, we muddled through like many parents do. Daniel's feeds took up to two hours and his breathing was very difficult. By February we were back at the Royal for surgery. Throughout it all, I knew God was in control and I trusted He would bring us and Daniel through these days.
However, in the past few weeks, when Daniel turned about nine months old, things have changed. I have started to wilt in my positivity about Down Syndrome. My confidence to parent his special needs has faltered. It seems so labour intensive, a lot of hard work, and the onus is on me to be on the ball with things like his physiotherapy, Makaton signing and health conditions. I also can suddenly see a vast difference in what Daniel is able to do and what other babies his age are achieving. I know I shouldn't compare, and actually don't think I am comparing, it's that as my first baby I've been naive about how well Daniel is doing in comparison to the 'typical' child. Last week I met a mum with a daughter who was born a few days after Daniel and she is crawling. I was completely shocked as Daniel is so far from this milestone, and when I googled it (I know, I shouldn't have!), I discovered most babies learn to crawl between seven and ten months old. For children with Down Syndrome, with early intervention, crawling will happen between ten and twenty months. Before Daniel arrived, I didn't really appreciate much of what Down Syndrome meant for a person apart from the learning disability. For babies with Down Syndrome physical milestones are significantly delayed and often need a considerable amount of intervention. This is due to the low muscle tone that people with Down Syndrome have, the learning disability, and the health complications that can make moving around more difficult. It's almost like Daniel needs to be taught the things another baby would do automatically. Throwaway comments by people over the last while, like when Daniel rolled for the first time, "Ah, he'll be running around before you know it", have hurt me. He rolled after months and months of daily physio sessions. He didn't just do it like another baby would have.
I realise that all these issues that have arisen over the last few weeks are focused on me. On my ability to parent. On the work I have to do with him. On the fact my baby is delayed in his development. I had stopped looking to God for the strength to face each day and had looked to myself. God promises that He lifts us up on wings like eagles. With Him at the centre, I can relax knowing it's not all on my ability to do anything. I have to renew my trust in Him that Daniel is His and He cares for him so much. Although Daniel is weak, God is strong. The last day or two, I keep singing Everlasting God by Chris Tomlin which is based on Isaiah 40 and seems to bring together these points.
Strength will rise as we wait upon the Lord
As we wait upon the Lord
As we
wait upon the Lord
Our God, You reign for ever
Our hope, Our strong
deliverer
You are the everlasting God,
The everlasting God,
You do
not faint, You won't grow weary
You're the defender of the weak
You
comfort those in need,
You lift us up on wings like eagles
It helps that God has blessed me with two fantastic friends that I pray and do a book study with once a fortnight, and the icing on the cake is that one of those friends is a speech and language therapist and the other a physiotherapist! Last night we sat and chatted about what Daniel is doing. They reassured me that yes, he is delayed, but that he was doing really well and I was ensuring that all the things that can help are being done. Most importantly, we talked about perserverance through trials, how God uses trials to help us see Him and to perfect us and the challenge of facing suffering in a way that glorifies God. We are all facing our own personal trials of different kinds at the moment and I have felt a renewal of Spirit and strength to face the challenges in my life in the knowledge that God gives me strength and I can trust Him to help me be the wife, mother, and friend I need to be. Our God really is an awesome God.
Tuesday, 25 June 2013
Thursday, 6 June 2013
Advertising - Bounty packs and more
Last week, there were a number of
news articles about a GP from Scotland who spoke out against the Bounty packs
handed out in hospitals during pregnancy and to women who have just given
birth, accompanied with an attempt to photograph your baby and then sell you
the photos. This is just one aspect of advertising to pregnant ladies and new
mums that I despise.
Here’s an article about the Bounty
packs:
and here’s an opinion piece in the
Scotsman:
I was astonished to find out that HMRC
pay Bounty £90,000 a year to distribute child benefit forms in their packs when
you can get these forms online, at tax offices or posted out to you! I refused
to take the pack or let the 'Bounty Lady' speak to me after Daniel was born, and
she tried to explain that this was how I got the child benefit forms. I argued
back that it wasn’t and I could get it myself, she then admitted that she wasn’t
the only way you could get them, but I’m sure many people gave their personal
information in order to receive a form they could get elsewhere. I have heard of many women being asked questions by the lady
and they gave this information assuming she was a medic/nurse (after all, who
else is allowed to wander around post-natal wards freely, the majority of
hospitals barely allow the partners to stay more than an hour or two after
giving birth) only to find themselves the recipient of many items of junk mail.
This junk mail includes free bottles, another way to promote formula, and vouchers for baby food
and disposable nappies. I think it is awful that the NHS allow women in the
immediate post-partum period to be exploited in this way. Throughout pregnancy,
women are given official sounding documents such as the ‘pregnancy information
folder’ from Bounty or ‘Emma’s Diary’ (which was actually given to me at an
ante-natal appointment at my GP) but these are full of advertising from formula
and baby food companies. The Cow and Gate weaning program is widely advertised,
and so called ‘follow-on’ formula milk (a separate milk introduced by formula
companies to get around the formula milk advertising ban – I expand on this
below) litters many of the pages. I read an article in the Guardian which
stated Emma’s Diary – handed out by NHS staff to pregnant women – has only 25 pages of medical information but 119
pages of advertising.
We live in a commercialised
world, I get it, but I just hate this type of advertising. I hate the faux ‘we’re
not advertising, we want the best for you’ kind of advertising even more. Like
the Dove adverts which celebrate women looking the way they are, but then say
you need to buy their beauty products. I might add that the fact that Unilever
also own Lynx and Slim-Fast adds more irony to the campaign.
People often assume
that the norm is the only way just because advertising has soaked their
mindset, like using disposable nappies. My biggest gripes with the targeting of
pregnant ladies and new mums are with the infant formula milk and baby food
advertising. When the advertising ban on formula milk was introduced, it
didn't cover this so called ‘follow-on’ formula – milk for a baby over 6 months
old. If people have decided not to breastfeed, the formula milk they use at
birth can be used through to age 1 when a baby then would switch to cow’s milk,
i.e. there is no need for ‘follow-on’ milk. These ‘follow-on’ milks were
created and packaged the same as formulas from birth and then could be
advertised. Companies need to mention that breastfeeding is preferable, but do this
with an undertone that suggests you probably wouldn’t breastfeed past a few
months, or implying that the baby is healthier when you move on to formula by
brightening the colours when the baby is formula fed (the complete opposite of
all the scientific research). I’m sure this would make a great study for school
pupils to do on advertising, if any teachers are reading this!
The presence of Bounty in hospital wards is another example
of companies waging far too much power and playing on the vulnerability of new
mothers, many of whom are tired after hours (if not days) of labour, and
drugged and therefore not capable of deciding who gets to have their personal
information. We would be shocked if other people in hospitals were allowed to
be accessed by big companies while in bed to get personal information for
targeted advertising, but for some reason there just isn’t much interest in
stopping the Bounty ladies from harassing new mums. I hope this recent news
coverage helps change things in future.
**update** I wrote this blog last week and yesterday Mumsnet launched their campaign to ban sales reps in maternity wards using the hash tag #bountymutiny I am glad to see Mumsnet are calling for this practice to change and that many news websites have covered this campaign today including the BBC:
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